A winter of nesting and thinking

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Published on April 24, 2013, by in Mindfulness, motivation, real life, Running, self-care, weight loss.
mindful

Photo by mindfulness via Flickr

It’s been a long, strange winter. It was cold and windy and I didn’t want to do anything except nest. New house, new town, new running trails.

I didn’t have a lot of interest or ability to focus outward. Or inward, really, and I have a tendency toward anxiety when I stop taking time to relax and think about life.

It’s been hard to find the time to think.

Running used to be a way to find the time; I tend to use running as a form of informal meditation. But post-marathon it felt more like work and less like joy and my brain refused to turn off the way it used to.

New routes didn’t help. More hills didn’t help. Feeling slow and overweight and old didn’t help.

I eased off and stepped back and ran less. Ran easier routes. Didn’t push.

That helped.

I started to make more time to just lie in bed and think. It’s still informal meditation, but it has always worked well for me and it’s helping again. Being still is a luxury, yes, but a necessity as well.

I gained weight, lost a bit, then backed off of that too. Too much anxiety. It’s not where my head is right now. It’s not a healthy thing for me to care about.

For the past two years, forward motion has been my driving force. I have spent a great deal of time looking to see what comes next. Now I want to halt. To be still. To enjoy this moment, just as it is.

Blogging didn’t have a place in that. Blogging is often all about what’s next, about feeding the beast with all the content and experiences you can muster.

I cut off the beast and wrote in a paper journal. Not as much as I wish I did, but it’s a habit I’m trying to restart.

Blogging can be mindful, though. And I find I miss it tremendously. So I am going to do it again. And here I am, writing to tell you about it.

I can’t promise regular content. I can’t promise even writing about running (though who am I kidding? There will be running talk. I don’t think I can stop myself as I get back into it, as I rediscover the joy). I will attempt thoughtfulness, though, and balance. And kindess, toward myself and others.

One of my New Year’s Resolutions was (and has been) to be a better friend. I meant largely to others, but now I see it applies to me as well. Be a better friend to yourself. Show yourself the kindness you show your friends. Judge yourself less harshly and find more happiness.

I am not who I was or who I wished to be, but I am finding peace in who I am.

 

 

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New Year, new me?

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Published on January 11, 2013, by in real life.
Journal that reads 'Look Ahead.'

Via flickr from libookperson

Not really. I like the old me! The current me. Whatever. I’m in a pretty good place, generally.

I haven’t set New Year’s Resolutions since I decided to drop my extra weight and run a half-marathon in 2010. My goal last year was to run a marathon, but I didn’t set it as a resolution. I started thinking about it back in October of 2011.

This year, though, I want to set some intentions for the year. It sounds all yoga-y and not…quite like me, honestly. But I love the idea of picking a few concepts to live by, things to keep in mind.

And here they are, simple as they seem.

Consistency 

  • Fitness: Sticking with a plan. This includes strength training and intervals and running. 
  • Doing the things I say I will, when I say I will do them.
  • Following through with friends.
  • Attempting to be on time. It’s rude to be late, but I just am awful at punctuality. Must keep working on it.
  • Housecleaning.
  • As ever, try to be more consistent with blogging.

Awareness

  • Spending less time looking at screens and more time looking at the world around me. 
  • Running without music, bringing awareness to the runs and the route.
  • Paying more attention to the people around me and my relationship to them.
  • Paying attention to my body and my mind and doing what is best for me.
  • Pay attention to what I eat and how it makes me feel. Learn to eat more sustainably and intuitively. I am getting close, I think, but it’s a work in progress.
  • Curate my home. Don’t just accumulate things to accumulate them. Make sure everything in the new house is meaningful, useful,  and specific.

Kindness

  • When doesn’t the world need more kindness? Some days I think ‘be kind’ is the most important and helpful advice I have ever received.
  • This goes with the self-awareness item, but: Be kind to myself. Strive for excellence, not perfection. Don’t beat yourself up excessively when you fall short.
  • Do the same for others.

So that’s it – that’s what I want this year. Some small things, some big, but all important. There are others – exercise my creativity. Make things. Get outside more. But a lot of them fall into those three big categories, and I like that.

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Letting go: When your goals become more stressful than helpful

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Published on January 9, 2013, by in motivation, real life, Running.

I tend to be pretty goal-oriented. I always like to have plans and thoughts and ideas going because I find it fun. Even when the ideas don’t pan out, I don’t usually mind too much. I move on to the next thing. I’m a dreamer, and to be a sane dreamer, you have to realize that sometimes your dreams won’t work out.

This winter, I put aside my fitness goals to save my sanity and my health. Moving consumed my life for longer than I had expected. In fact, it’s still kind of consuming my life. Not all of the boxes are unpacked. I haven’t lived in a house with four bedrooms as an adult, so all the extra space feels weird to me.

And then I got sick. I normally follow the ‘if the illness isn’t felt below your neck, you’re fine to work out’ rule of thumb, but in this case, watching my mother get sick before I did made me realize that would be a terrible idea. So I rested. And rested. And rested some more. I unpacked very few boxes and did some easy weights and yoga, but I did not work out outside. I put my goals (to run a 2:10 half-marathon  in March) aside. Staying healthy and keeping myself sane was more important.

I’ll still run the half in March. I’ll still have fun. I’ll be a little disappointed that I won’t (probably) be reaching a new PR, but I will  have gotten back into training as quickly as possible without feeling like a crazy person or putting my health at risk.

I feel pretty good about that.

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January blues, part two – I’m out of commission again.

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Published on January 7, 2013, by in injury, real life, Running.

It’s not as bad as last year’s possible stress fracture/unpleasant muscle strain, but it’s pretty unpleasant.

After a month sidelined by moving (which is mostly done, HOORAY!!!!!), I immediately got a cold. I’m pretty susceptible to colds, and they tend to linger for much longer than what I think is normal, so I almost always go into complete rest mode when I get one. I’ve had bronchitis twice. I do not recommend it at all.

The cold got into my chest, but didn’t turn to horror and seemed to be going away. AND THEN. I started wheezing and having coughing spasms.

The two times I had bronchitis, I also had asthma, so I recognized the signs and went straight to the doctor, who told me it wasn’t too terrible and gave me an inhaler to puff on twice a day. I have mostly been using it in the morning and after exercising.

Because I AM trying to exercise. I ran a mile and a half today, interspersed with walking intervals. I think I pushed myself a bit too hard, running one of the intervals under at a 10:45 minute mile, because I felt tight in the chest for a few hours and had to puff on the inhaler, but it wasn’t anything too terrible.

I am doing well with weight lifting, but I’m getting frustrated by not being able to run. We have had a string of bright, crisp winter days – cold, but not much below freezing in the morning – and I really miss getting out there and knocking out a few miles. I was looking forward to exploring my new neighborhood and meeting up with a new running group. But the cold is still too hard on my lungs, so I’m sticking with the treadmill until I can complete more than a mile without feeling winded. It’s smart and safe, I know, but it’s also incredibly irritating. January just doesn’t seem to be my month.

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That old magic feeling coming back after rest

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Published on December 5, 2012, by in Diet, goals, motivation, nutrition, training, weight loss.

Looks like taking some time off was just what I needed. While my diet has been all over the place this week, I’ve hit every day of working out that I have planned on. And I feel amazing.

The first week back in the gym/on the roads is always a struggle – reminding yourself why you’re doing this as your body tells you how much it would rather be curled up on the couch with a book or a DVD set. The second week, though, is magic. You’re not as sore, the workouts are feeling easier, getting out of bed earlier seems more normal, and you’re feeling super-pumped that you’re Getting It Done.

Unfortunately, you know there will come a time where every workout feels like a slog and getting out of bed is The Worst Idea Ever, but hey. I’m enjoying this while I can.

It’s been really great. My runs have felt solid and consistent, weight training is leaving me less sore the next day, and I’m eating all of the vegetables again. HOORAY FOR VEGETABLES.

I’m not feeling 100% awesome about my healthy lifestyle – my diet is still pretty bad, as I’m giving into more sugar cravings than I would really like – but I’m writing everything down regardless and it is helping inform my choices again.

My scale is broken, so I can’t say if my weight has budged (odds are not good on that) but I feel like I’m making progress again.

Workouts for last week:

Nov. 29: 6 miles; felt AMAZING and PERFECT; I want to feel like this on all of my runs. Also stretched for 20 minutes. I am really trying to work on stretching after work.

Nov. 30: 1 mile run (warmup) 60 minutes weights

Dec. 1: Reeest

Dec. 2: 8 mile run (longest since the marathon!)

Dec. 3: Rest more

Dec. 4: 1 mile run, 60 minutes weights

Dec. 5: 5 mile run, felt really slow and tired and hungry, but so proud of myself for getting up extra early to do it

 

Run streak FAIL

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Published on December 3, 2012, by in Diet, goals, half-marathon, Running, Swimming, training.
Road sign: FAIL RD.

Courtesy of fireflythegreat on Flickr

Well, that didn’t take long.

Weekends are the doom time for eating well and running consistently. Add in moving chores and birthday celebrations, and, well, let’s just say it did not go very well in terms of healthy eating.

Delicious eating? Yes. But not healthy.

But it’s a new week, one full of possibilities, and I have planned my meals and stocked my fridge with delicious vegetables. I’m ready, willing, and able to have a healthy week.

While moving chores derailed the run streak on Saturday (seriously, I have to wash my walls before I paint them? WHAT), I did work out five whole days last week, including two strength training sessions. This week’s goal is to get to three, but I have a hard time with that Friday session. So we’ll see how it goes.

The other big goal is to swim at least once – I miss swimming and want to get back into the pool. I’m aiming for Thursday on that one.

And half-marathon training officially begins this week! Sure, it’s ‘base-building’ phase, but I have a plan! I like having a plan.

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Carrying the weight – of sloth and too much snacking

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Published on November 30, 2012, by in Clothes, motivation, nutrition, real life, weight loss.

Well, it’s depressing but true. I have gained 10 pounds since September. My pants are tight. This is Not Good, as I emphatically do not want to buy new pants. I like the pants I have!

All is not lost. The pants still fit despite some snugness, so as long as I get back into my old, good habits (as opposed to my bad post-marathon ones), I should be fine. Old-fashioned scale

This means:

  • Exercising 4-5 workdays
  • Running 20 miles or more a week
  • Strength training twice a week
  • Limiting grains
  • Snacking only on things such as fruits and vegetables
  • Salads – lots and lots of salads (which, to be fair, I love salad, so this is not a hardship. I just have to be better about buying produce and making them the night before work)
  • Meal planning
  • Tracking food (even on days I know I will go over my calorie limit – it’s the habit that’s important)
  • Not drinking (or, let’s be reasonable, limiting myself to one glass of wine a week)

So far, I’m having the most trouble with tracking and meal planning, but I know that all of the other items will become problematic in due time. I know I can power through them. I just have to remember that I can…

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Run streak with Runners World

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Published on November 28, 2012, by in goals, half-marathon, motivation, Running, training.

RW Running Streak Challenge - runner in a Santa hat To combat my total lack of motivation, I’m joining the 2012 Runner’s World Holiday Running Streak. I pledge to run at least one mile every day until Christmas.

My training plan for the B&A Half starts in mid-December, so I can definitely incorporate that into the streak, but mostly I want to make sure I’m in a good place to start training at that point.

I’m a little concerned about my muscles – I’m still feeling more tightness after working out than I think I should. With the Hashimoto’s, it’s a real concern, as muscle soreness is definitely one of the symptoms. So I’m just going to take it easy (and try to avoid gluten, which I think is a real issue for me in that regard) and assess how I feel on a fairly regular basis.

Most people started their streaks on Thanksgiving Day, and I did try that, but I was foiled by a sneaky nap on the couch and a longer-than expected travel day on Sunday. So the streak started yesterday! And will extend through New Year’s Eve! (What, you expected me to work out on my birthday and start the run streak Monday? HAHAHAHAHAHA. Birthdays are for eating cake and drinking champagne, silly person.)

Nov. 27: 3 miles

Nov. 28: 2 miles/strength training ETA – managed only one mile, thanks to getting to the gym a bit late. Still, the streak is on!

I’ll try to run the tally every Wednesday, just to keep myself on track. STREAK!

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Happy birthday to me!

 

Thankful

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Published on November 23, 2012, by in real life, Running.
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I’m a day late on this post – but I still feel like I need to post it.

Things I am grateful for:

  • Financial security to buy a house and furnish it to my tastes (slowly, yes, but it will get done!)
  • My wonderful North Carolina and Colorado family -I love you guys so much and miss you awfully
  • My husband – The Man is pretty darn great and I’m so happy we have each other and our stupid faces
  • My dear and beloved friends, near and far
  • My health
  • Being able to run and lift weights and get stronger and more awesome
  • A job I love and coworkers I enjoy

And, on the lighter side, a list from Brooks about what runners are thankful for.

Here’s hoping everyone in the U.S. enjoyed their holiday (and for the rest of you, have a good weekend)!

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